Old Friends...What Do Ya Say?

So, I'm sitting at my computer, minding my own business, when I suddenly get a pop up screen letting me know that my friend from years past would like to add me to his Yahoo friend list. First, let me say, that was a blast from my past! I have not talked to this guy in probably 3-4 years.

He belonged to a group of friends I hung out with at my Community College. He's also part of a "subcategory" of those friends who are from Canada...my Canucks, as I used to call them. I loved these guys! They were fun, and I had a blast when we hung out.

But, as I grew and entered the world of "University," my Community College friends drifted away into a new category...Old Friends. I went from always hanging out with them, to rarely talking, to now, when I'm overloaded with memories of my old friends and that chapter of my life.

But what do you say to old friends? Hi, how the hell are ya? (Did that). What have you been up to? (Please fill me in on the last 4 years of your life). It just makes me think how life is full of chapters. Chapter 1 - Birth...and on and on it goes, filling up with old friends and new friends who might eventually be classified as old friends.

But, written in this chapter of my life is the day where my "old friend" IM'd me, and now I must catch up, as much as one can through a little box on the screen, with one of my Canucks.

What I've Learned From 2007

As this year is winding down, I find myself looking back at what 2007 has meant to me. This has been quite the interesting year, filled with losses, additions, and many mediocre "whatevers" in between.

Though I didn't know it at that time, I began having symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis at the end of January. Well, at least this is when they became apparent enough to start causing some distress. March brought my daughter's 10th birthday, but not before we had to put one of our family cats, Neo, to sleep (why do they call it that, anyway?) a few days before the big event.

Months of physical therapy brought me to the end of June, when numbness in my fingertips and arm made me realize something was going really awry within my body. Multiple tests, starting with a negative nerve conduction study and ending with an MRI that proved positive for lesions, started me on my journey called "What in the hell is Multiple Sclerosis and what does it have to do with me?"

Did I mention that this MRI took place one day after my 30th birthday and eighteen days before my wedding?

Yet another test, a lumbar puncture, done at the beginning of September, offered the doctors more ammo to shoot my way when it came to that fateful day (sounds so ominous, huh?) on November 9th when I received an official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

Fast forward to today when I put my second cat of the year to sleep. As I said, there were many other things in between all of those big events. I call them mediocre "whatevers" because, keeping in perspective of all the others, they just don't seem as big. A third cat ran away (we got him back), my car broke down (I got a new one), I fell down some stairs at work (I got 6 staples in my head...oh, wait, that wasn't a positive!).

So what have I learned from this year? Good question. Well, I've learned that you shouldn't plan too far ahead because crazy things like MS just might rear its ugly head in your life. I've learned that an identity is an ever-changing thing. I've learned to hold the handrail while walking down the stairs, especially if they are cement! :)

I've still got a lot to learn from this year, and it may take most or all of 2008 to learn it. A lot has happened to throw me for a loop, and I'm slowly regaining my balance (no MS joke here either).

What I knew prior to 2007 is that I am strong. Though this seems like a massive amount of life-altering events to take in (and it is), I am confident that I will find ways to come to terms with all that 2007, and life in general, has brought upon me....it just may take a bit longer than usual. Happy 2007 and may 2008 be a little calmer!

Sex (or Lack Thereof) and Relationships

I often wonder what percentage of couples out there have fulfilling sex lives. I mean, ultimately fulfilling to both members.

What is fulfilling? Several times a week, once a week, once a month? I would venture to guess that this answer would depend on which person you asked!

Many couples enter therapy for this reason alone. So, what goes into a prosperous sex life? Does intimacy foster good sex, or does good sex foster intimacy? It's the old "chicken or the egg" adage at its best. It's a generalization that men require more sex than their female counterparts. I know one particular woman who would love to have sex several times a day. Her husband, however, varies in his preferred amount, usually requiring no more than a few times a week.

Sex drive can, at worst, kill a marriage fast. At best, it can lead to years of resentment, frustration (emotionally and sexually), and annoyance. So, what can be done? How can the less driven partner put him or herself in the position (no pun intended) of doing it more? Or how can the one with higher labido squelch that urge enough to not turn off the very person he/she is trying to turn on?

This dilemma has been hanging over the heads of couples for centuries, and will continue to haunt a relationship until a happy medium is negotiated. Until then, divorce lawyers and escort services will stay in business.

Thinking Outside the Box

Sometimes it amazes me how people try to do the same things over and over whether those things are working or not. And then, they have the nerve to complain when life is not going the way they want it to go! Einstein stated it perfectly - "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Much could be learned from this man.

Jamie Lynn...thanks for the learning op!

I had a talk with my 10 year old daughter tonight about the latest celebrity buzz...Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy. Spears' stars in one of my daughter's favorite shows - Zoey 101. My daughter informed me that they (the show) are writing Spears out of the show and pretending that she's going off to school or something. This prompted a converstation about how getting pregnant at 16 can make life a whole lot more challenging, cause the pregnant girl to give up career opportunities and possibly ruin what would have been a prosperous future career. I don't take the route of condemning her or judging her. Everyone makes mistakes, right? I don't feel the need to use her as an example of negative, but rather use this as an indirect learning opportunity for my daughter to see one of the people she looks up to dealing with natural consequences for her choices. My daughter understood where I was coming from and seemed to comprehend the negative consequences that could subsequently result in this situation. So, thank you Jamie Lynn, for providing me with a way to teach my daughter a learning opportunity tonight.

No Facial Piercings...Among Other Rules

What does a 16 year old do when she has parents who are at opposite ends of the extremes on a rule? Especially, if she agrees with one or the other? The example I'm speaking of is facial piercings. If the parents are divorced, and the teenager is living half of the time with one parent, and half of the time with the other, does she side with the dad, who agrees she should make her own choice in the matter, or her mom, who is adamently against such a "mutilation" of her body? Well, because of her own desire to get a new "Monroe," she sided with her dad, leaving her mom feeling like there was a blatant disregard of a rule that she had set in place. Is this a set in stone rule, however, if there is a 50/50 custody arrangment?

And how confusing for the girl! Does she put aside something that she wants to claim her uniqueness for the sake of "image concerns" that he mom bestows? Or does she allow her dad to take her (which he did) to get the piercing and live with the rage of her mom (which she did).

In my opinion, in regards to the mom, it really is more about the image than anything else. She talks of "mutilation of the body," yet bears some descrepencies in that she allowed her daughter to get her ears pierced many years back. Still a form of self-mutilation, one could argue, yet a more socially acceptable one, indeed. The 16 year old in question is not dumb. She sees these descrepencies, along with her moms insecurities of how this will make her look as a parent when others see her child like this. This goes back to the teenager claiming her uniqueness, her independence, and her identity, apart from her mom.

Dissociative Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)

What is Dissociative Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)? There are vast amounts of differing opinions on what exactly Dissociative Disorder is. Psychology Today views the disorder as the deficiency of connected “thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or identity.” One recurring theme in all the research is the prevalence of extreme, traumatic sexual and/or physical abuse experienced by the individual from an early age in life; the majority of cases share this unique quality. Individuals often are not even aware of the abuse that had been inflicted upon them, and many deny the incidents even when presented with mounting evidence such as police and child protective service reports. Many children are very good at daydreaming, and pretending they are someone different. It would make sense that if enough of these facades occurred prior to the child figuring out his or her own personality, internal confusion may take form in one way or another. This becomes a very useful coping method while in childhood (when one cannot get away from the abuse), but loses its effectiveness in the adult years, often leading to problematic and dysfunctional behaviors that lead to the loss of jobs and relationships. Studies say that eighty to ninety percent of those with Dissociative Disorder are not even aware that they suffer from the disorder. Does this mean that these individuals are not affected by their afflictions? Their actions, along with the observations of those they interact with, clue them in that something is not right about them; however, they unfortunately do not understand the reasons why their life is like a puzzle.