Imagining Borderline Personality Disorder

Imagine always believing that if you let someone get emotionally close to you, they would leave you. And no matter how much someone tried to convince you that this wouldn't happen, you couldn't find a way to believe it. Can you imagine how lonely that would make you feel?

Imagine that all of your relationships were built around only two extremes: putting the other person upon a pedestal, only to rip that very pedestal right out from underneath them. Can you imagine how confusing this might be?

Imagine waking up one day feeling like you are the best...the best looking, the best personality, the best everything. Then, waking up the next day feeling like the worst person ever to have been born on this planet. Now imagine these extremes occurring five, twenty, even a hundred times a day. Can you imagine how exhausting this may make you feel?

Imagine spending your whole allowance or paycheck immediately after getting it. Or eating a pint of ice cream, three burritos, a box of cereal, and a bag of chips, all in one sitting. How about spending an entire weekend using drugs and alcohol and having sex with a random guy(s). Can you imagine how frightening this may be?

Imagine feeling like you want to kill yourself much of time. Imagine making threats to those who love you, and in, worst case scenarios, mutilating yourself enough that you end up in the hospital. Can you imagine how embarrassed you would feel?

These are just a few of the things your daughter is likely feeling...lonely, confused, exhausted, frightened, and embarrassed.

Though your daughter is intensely struggling with the emotions that this disorder causes her to feel, this does not discount those feelings likely to arise in those who are closely intertwined in her life. Equally confusing is the wonderment of not know which person your child will see you as. Will you be the blessed parent on the pedestal or the evil parent brought quickly to the ground with a few angry, spiteful words? And even more confusing and frustrating is the apparent amnesia she seems to have to the fact that, just a few hours ago, she saw you in a completely opposite way.

So what hope can be found in a seemingly hopeless situation? Thankfully, individual therapy can speak volumes in helping your daughter learn how to deal with stressors, both real and imagined, that she deals with on a daily basis. By working with a therapist, she can trudge through her stormy interpersonal relationships, learning how to bridge the large gap between her extremes of good and bad, finally resting at a middle point that will allow her the sanctity of healthy human connections. She can learn to use thought-stopping, breathing techniques, and reality therapy to become less emotionally reactive to situations she encounters. If need be, she can utilize the wide range of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety agents, and mood stabilizers to help her get to the point where she feels willing and able to deal with the issues at hand.

Being one of the people closely intertwined in her life, the road ahead may be long and daunting. However, by providing support and boundaries, you will be able to build a relationship that is healthier than the one you’re currently engaged in. There is hope. She needs you to hold on to it when she loses her own.


This piece was written for parents of girls at the facility I'm a therapist at who are dealing with BPD. For more information on Borderline Personality Disorder, I recommend the following books: